


if the world was ending

by theghostofyouandi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Jar Jar Abrams, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-TRoS, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Skywalker, Rey Skywalker because we have a dumb plot to follow, Stay with me kids, TROS Who, i don't know her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theghostofyouandi/pseuds/theghostofyouandi
Summary: Summery to come when I decide what the hell I'm doing.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> it won't always be this sad

Exegol, Unknown Regions

Day 07, Month 1, 30 ABY

When Rey’s body hit ground, something in the Force shifted. It felt uneasy, like it was unsure. Like Rey’s fading life wasn’t in the cards. Like it wasn’t supposed to happen to her. So when Ben suddenly gained what he could only presume was her strength, the Force throwing him a bone, he was grateful. Tired, a little frustrated that she had to do that alone, but grateful nonetheless.  
He grabbed the edge, hosting himself up, grunting with each step he made. Getting to her seemed like the hardest thing, though. She suddenly seemed incredibly far away. Her body laid on the floor, flat and motionless. It was unnerving, even at this distance. He just hoped she was breathing, he needed to confirm more with his eyes and hands than the Force's intuition.  
He tried standing, but his legs gave out underneath him, his breathing was jagged and he felt weak. And his back, gods it hurt from hitting the gravel. His whole body felt so sore. And he hated that feeling, Snoke made him feel like that; sore and weak. He made him feel like there was nothing he could do, that his plans were already laid out for him and Ben just had to be okay with it.  
But none of this was okay. Not when it came to her. So the fact that his legs decided to stop working, the fact that he was feeling an enormous amount of pain almost everywhere across his body, was hilarious. Because Snoke had put him through physically worse. And before being called weak pissed him off because he felt like he wasn't, but now?  
Now maybe he was. And at the cost of her, it was too much to even have to process.  
When he finally reached her, he fell down almost right beside her. He paused for a moment. Her clothes were covered in ash. And her light, her beautiful bright light, was fading. Her glow was gone, the room suddenly seemed so incredibly dark. Ben hated it. He never wanted to be in the dark again. He never wanted Rey to have to be in the dark again. It was unfair that she even had to be here. Because Ben knew deep down, that if he had never went searching for Skywalker, if he never wanted the droid, she'd be safe.  
Hopefully alive. Maybe sad, maybe lonely.  
But alive.  
And Ben still wasn't sure which outcome would've been better. Because a life without her? A life without his Rey, his hope? He didn't want to know anything else.  
Ben had to quickly assess her; it wasn't just her clothes, she was covered in dirt. Her buns were disoriented, her lips were chap. Her eyes held open, her heart beat was on the verge of defeat. She seemed dead, to look at her. Ben scooped her in his arms, barely able to keep himself up. He pressed his chest to her for support, grabbing her arm in one hand, and bracing her back in the other. He tried to gain all the strength he could to sit upright, to just make sure she was okay. He needed to make sure. And when her body fell back, allowing the full view of her pale face, he felt panic well up inside of him. Her head hung against the back of his hand. Her heart was barely beating, he could feel her life leaving her in the force. He wasn't ready. This wasn't supposed to happen. Ben knew it, the Force knew it. And yet, here he was.  
He looked around, for anyone. _Anything_. A sign of life around him, but felt nothing. The force was ringing loudly, drumming in his ears, tingling on the top of his skin. He could barely breathe, and yet his breaths came out faster than he liked. He wasn't ready. He didn't get to tell her he loved her, that his methods were all wrong, but he didn't know when a good time was. He didn't get to tell her that offering her the galaxy was his proposal, that he wanted more than just to rule, that he wanted her. And looking back now, he should've given it all up. Nothing was worth losing her. Not the First Order, not the Resistance, not ruling any galaxy, if it meant being without her.  
Ben held her to his chest, her cheek against his. His body felt numb, his mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He felt hopeless and determined. It was a convoluted earthquake within him. Except he did know what to do, he just didn't know if he had the strength to do it. This was the hardest thing he'd have to do, and he felt how unsettled the Force was. It wasn't even sure. And that left him nervous.  
But Ben had to be quick. He was running out of time, and it felt like a bomb was going to go off if he wasn't quick enough. He placed his hand against her stomach, giving her the rest of his life he was supposed to live— the rest of the time he had left. His breath became steady, his body relaxed with hers. His heart rate slowed, his mind went blank, and he let go.  
His life was now hers, and he'd wait for her to give it back. For however long it took her to find him. He’d wait a thousand years if it meant they’d be together. He’d wait in pain and in agony if it meant her peace.  
He would wait, and wait.  
His focus was broken by a hand grabbing the top of his. His eyes flew open to see Rey sitting up, staring back at him. Shock, confusion, and relief swept across her face all in one motion. Their eyes danced back in forth all across each other's face, and then it happened again.  
Rey's eyes lit up, her smile became a beacon.  
"Ben."  
She lifted her hand to his face, feeling his hair grace her fingertips, like a blessing. He held the back of her neck, rubbing his thumb just under her ear. He felt so light in her presence, he felt peace and love through their bond.  
Rey's eyes shifted to his lips, she hesitated before finally leaning into him. Their lips met and it's like Ben knew exactly what he was supposed to do. His arms came around her body to hold her closer. The desperation filled her soul, he knew her thoughts, saw her intentions and desires and if Ben had his wits about him, he'd give her everything she wanted. The Force tingled around them. He felt like he was floating in air, in nothing. He never wanted to let go.  
But then she did. And he felt something within him start fading. His hand dropped from the back of her neck, and he smiled, he laughed. He gave her all the energy, all the love he could in that moment. And he loved her— gods did he love her. He loved the way her fingers stayed holding his face, he loved how intense she was. He would've loved how torn she was when she thought she had killed him. She has such fury, it's beautiful to see. But now, that just seemed cruel. Because the Force was telling him it was time to go. And as much as Ben was not ready, he couldn't deny how nice it would be to go like this— feeing loved, and wanted. Knowing Rey, his Dyad, his partner, the love of his life, was the last person to be with him.  
So when the Force gave its final warning, and Ben agreed he was ready to die, he opened his mind.  
_I need to rest, Rey. Find me when you sleep_ Ben said through their bond.  
_Wait, Ben_— She frowned, she just got him. And somehow, just as fast as she said his name, he fell backwards.  
When Ben's body disappeared, something in the Force shifted.  
It felt empty.


	2. Prologue Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been staring at this mess of a chapter for too long. Take it.

Jakku

When Rey was ten years old, she decided she wasn’t going to cry herself to sleep anymore. She was getting older, and she didn’t want her parents to be sad when they came back for her on Jakku. She wanted to be happy, so she vowed to never cry, more so at night unless something really sad happened—- that was the only time she’d allow herself the luxury. And for the better part of her life, she succeeded. She only shed a few tears over the years, but she always got over it quickly. Life needed to move on, because she was a survivor and that’s what survivors did.  
So she woke up every morning with a smile upon the new day, and she quickly developed a routine. Scavenging always came first, eating was her first priority. She quickly became comfortable with the environment of the Niima Outpost, traveled to the Starship Graveyard, and eventually made her home in the Hellhound Two. It became a quaint atmosphere with her trinkets and souvenirs. It was one of the only things in her life she could control, it was the only thing that was solely her own. Rey took pride in the abandoned AT-AT. Walkers were scattered across Jakku, but this one was special. It was a wasteland for sure. There was a certain comfort and humiliation that came with living on Jakku that Rey hadn’t really noticed until she heard the stories of the people who could inhabit other planets and travel the galaxy. It wasn’t until then that she realized how small Jakku must’ve been. She never thought too much about the universe or that maybe there were hundreds, even thousands of other planets out there— each of them coming with their own stories.  
Like the war that happened on Jakku. At first, it made her feel powerful. Because she lived on a planet that a battle happened, and a planet that people stopped at often enough. So Jakku was kind of special— at least in her mind. Until these other places got name dropped like they were gems. People came to Jakku and suddenly sand and the desert was far off their ideal place to stay. Suddenly, without better knowledge of what was out there, Rey wanted more. Jakku’s history was comparable to other planets, and Rey realized just how insignificant Jakku was. Buying and selling imperial starship parts were all she knew, and yet she wanted more.  
She had tried more once, when she started bleeding one month and asked Unkar Plutt what it meant, and he gave her a smile that sent chills down her body. He said she became a woman, and now he could use her for more than just fetching parts.  
One afternoon when she was fifteen, he sent one of his thugs to her. Rey rammed her knee into him before his pants even came down. He cursed at her and left quickly. Rey stayed up all night waiting for Plutt to come and yet at her, but he never did.  
Before Rey’s eighteenth birthday, she bought a speeder. Unkar Plutt had an old, dusty one he was going to scrap that Rey begged him for months to keep. Finally he caved and told her to never asked him for another thing again. It was a godsend. She could reach distances she never could on foot. She visited other sights of crashed ships and TIE’s. The Graveyard of Giants became her favorite place to visit, it was almost completely empty of parts and hidden gems, but Rey loved exploring and finding things no one else had yet. It was the thrill of the hunt, so to speak.  
And all of that was fine. But this wasn’t the ‘more’ she wanted. She wanted open skies, water that was easier to find, nicknacks she could collect, and to eat anything she could fit in her stomach. She wanted a home, and maybe one day, a family of her own.  
So when a white and orange droid came up to her, she the thought had occurred to her that he’d be perfect to sell. She could buy a ship, maybe even the hunk of junk that was sitting there for a few weeks. And it even made more sense when Unkar Plutt shoved sixty portions in her face for the offer. That amount of food could’ve lasted her months, she wouldn’t have to work so hard, and she could finally just breathe for a moment.  
But it didn’t seem right. She couldn’t live her life knowing that she sold BB just for her own benefit and then leave him.  
So, instead she went against it. She settled. Jakku meant settling, and as much as she didn’t want to, selling BB-8 for food wasn’t in her character. And she was okay with that decision, because if she had sold him, Rey knew that she would’ve cried herself to sleep that night, and she only wanted to cry if it meant something she couldn’t avoid. But she could avoid selling him, so she walked away. She walked away, avoiding potential heartbreak.  
And then she met Finn, and her entire world changed. Her world changed because a defected stormtrooper wanted more, and because the First Order was after a BB unit that held an uncompleted map to a legendary man she had only heard stories about. And then she met him, she met the masked leader of the Knights of Ren, and something in her awakened. He was unlike any person she had ever seen— she briefly wondered why he wore a mask. He was beautiful, until he wasn’t. Until he went into her mind without permission. So she fought back, because she was a survivor, and so was he, she learned when she peered into his mind. He was a child at heart, and a man in flesh. He was everything she needed, and nothing she wanted. He was broken— shattered, pieces of a manipulated man. And if Rey was being completely honest with herself, she wanted to fix him— to make him whole again. She wanted him in the hunt on Ahch-To, she wanted him in the throne room. She wanted to take his hand again and again, but she was afraid. And he knew that. Ben felt her sadness, pain, rage, guilt, all of it. It was written all over his face. The mask of Kylo Ren wasn’t made of metal, it was made of flesh. Ben hid underneath and only came out for her.  
Kylo Ren was a fraud, and Ben Solo was being taken advantage of by everyone. It broke Rey. It broke her and broke her until there was nothing left. Until the side of the war she decided to be on started making decisions for her. She went on auto pilot and fought him, because mistakes were made and it’s all she knew, despite wanting more for the both of them. She knew hurt, she knew fear, and she knew how to work with the pain.  
When Rey was twenty years old, she had lost her life twice. Once during a fight, and a second time when her happiness was ripped away from her. Ben’s body disappeared before her eyes, and Rey learned what being cold meant. Rey learned the unavoidable heartbreak of death. She learned that maybe, she’d cry herself to sleep forever— that she’d mourn her entire life.  
Because unfortunate for her, Rey Skywalker was a survivor, and whatever gods existed decided she hadn’t had enough.


End file.
